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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27995229">The Death and Resurrection of Severus Snape</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LavenderAmmonite/pseuds/LavenderAmmonite'>LavenderAmmonite</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Luna Lovegood is a Good Friend, Mentor Severus Snape, Severus Snape Lives, Slow Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:41:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,745</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27995229</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LavenderAmmonite/pseuds/LavenderAmmonite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus Snape had spent years following other wizard's agendas. Now, his mission to protect Harry Potter completed, he was ready to live for himself, preferably in the company of his former potions protege.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Luna Lovegood &amp; Severus Snape, Luna Lovegood/Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Death</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Of course J K Rowling owns her characters, etc, even though she was not very nice to some of them. This is my not-for-profit effort to give them happier endings.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Severus Snape was under no illusions about either of his masters. Neither Dumbledore nor Voldemort would hesitate to sacrifice him if his death would give them an advantage. Of course Dumbledore would tell himself that the sacrifice would be for ”the greater good.” Strangely, Snape did not consider that to be much of a consolation.</p>
<p>In light of this he had taken any number of protective Potions and antidotes over the last few years, including the anti-venom to the bite of that blasted snake. But it was necessary that Snape should read as being dead in case Voldemort was suspicious. And he was always suspicious. The anti-venom would take time to counteract the poison and during that time Snape would be helpless to defend himself. Snape had combined the anti-venom   with a blend of healing herbs and painkillers into a potion that would induce a coma while it neutralized the poison. Theoretically he would awaken after a day or two, weak, but able to make his way to his Office and use the additional healing potions there. </p>
<p>After the Battle of Hogwarts and Voldemort’s defeat the survivors searched the castle rubble using an advanced Search Spell, looking for people who were buried and unable to cry for help due to injury or unconsciousness. Severus Snape was the last person they expected to find still alive. Harry Potter had already reported his death before adding his tears to the pensieve and learning the final, crucial clue to defeating Voldemort. He was in the coma for 3 days due to the strength of Nagini’s venom. It didn’t help any that his body was already affected by the stress of the past several years. So it was pure luck that a rescue party was able to dig him out of the rubble in time. And even then he spent weeks at St Mungo's, barely clinging to life. That particular Search and Rescue party had been led by one of his former students. Luna had been insistent that there was someone still alive under the rubble. She claimed she could hear a heartbeat even though no one else heard anything out of the ordinary. And when his barely alive body was extracted from the ruins, she insisted on following with him to the infirmary. In fact she handed off the entire group to Ginny Weasley so she could sit by the professor during his recovery. </p>
<p>Severus Snape was sceptical when she first told him the details of his rescue. Not surprisingly he remembered almost nothing after Nagini’s attack, not even his final words to Potter or the tears for the pensieve. But he was greatly relieved to hear that both Voldemort and all his horcruxes were destroyed. And he was even a bit glad that Potter somehow managed to survive. That was as far as Snape was willing to go. Potter was not his friend nor would he ever be. When Potter had come to visit him at St Mungo's Snape had pleaded weakness and asked that the visits be short ones.  Thanks to Potter’s intervention the Ministry now knew he had been Dumbledore’s spy all along. Snape had even been awarded the Order of Merlin and a retirement pension as thanks for his service.</p>
<p>After he left St Mungos he moved into a small cottage on the grounds of Hogwarts. The Ministry was concerned that the few hardcore Death Eaters still at large might target him for betraying them. And Snape had no interest in returning to the house in Spinner’s End. Once he’d had his books and a few personal possessions forwarded to him at Hogwarts he sold the wretched house with its bad memories.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Pentimento #1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Pentimento is a visible trace of earlier painting beneath a layer or layers of paint on a canvas.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From her first day in Potions class Luna Lovegood was fascinated by Professor Snape. Even as a First Year she was unperturbed by his sarcasm. Indeed it only increased her curiosity about  what the snarky professor would say or do next. This was in stark contrast to Luna’s potion making partner, Neville Longbottom. Although he was a Second Year, Neville was in Remedial Potions due to not having made sufficient progress the previous year. Luna was good at making potions but tended to make her own adjustments to the formulas, to Snape’s continued annoyance. As a last resort Snape had put them together in the vague hope that somehow, between the two of them, they would manage to produce one acceptable potion. </p><p>Luna was happy to be Neville’s partner. She liked brewing Potions even though Neville was not an ideal partner. His nervousness around Professor Snape made him clumsy. This led to unfortunate results that only increased Neville’s discomfort and Snape’s sarcasm level.  She tried to reassure him that the Professor was not cruel on purpose. Because Professor Snape was very intelligent and had a special aptitude for the subject he simply could not understand why Neville had such difficulty with brewing even the simplest potions. While Professor Snape was impressed by the quality of Luna’s work he would have preferred that she follow his instructions, at least the first time she brewed a new potion. Some ingredients could be quite dangerous if not handled with sufficient care. Indeed, that could have been the cause of her mother’s fatal accident during a brewing session. He knew that her attempt at creating a new potion had gone terribly wrong. </p><p>At the same time that he was doing Remedial Potions with the students 1 year younger than he, Neville Longbottom was in the regular class with the rest of the Gryffindors and the Slytherins. Sadly, while Neville appreciated his the time spent with Luna, his Potions skills had not improved notably.<br/>
”Mr. Longbottom, did you add the fermented lizard mucus at the end of step 3, before stirring?”<br/>
Neville shook his head.<br/>
”And why didn’t you? It is clearly written on the blackboard. Did you forget?”<br/>
Neville shook his head again.<br/>
”Answer me!” Barked Snape.<br/>
”No sir. I just followed the instructions in the book. It doesn’t say to add lizard mucus.”<br/>
”I told you clearly to follow my instructions. As written on the blackboard. Not the book.”<br/>
”But aren’t they the same?”<br/>
Snape rolled his eyes.<br/>
”Mr Longbottom, please read Step 3 in the book and then Step 3 on the blackboard. Are they the same?”<br/>
”No sir. I didn’t see that before. Sorry.” Neville spoke rapidly because he was nervous.<br/>
”Mr. Longbottom, just why do you think that I write on the Blackboard?”<br/>
“I don’t know, sir.”<br/>
“I have found during my years of both brewing and teaching Potions that sometimes there are better ways to do things than what is given in the textbook. I had the deranged notion that my students might benefit from my insights in their own Potions brewing. I even thought I would share these by writing them on the blackboard for everyone’s edification. Apparently in your case I was mistaken. I see you share your friend Mr. Potter’s dislike of following instructions.”<br/>
At this point even the Gryffindors were nodding and the Slytherins were openly snickering.</p><p>Snape thought to himself that the Potions curriculum desperately needed to be updated. Rather than grouping students by House and Year, he would have preferred to group them by interest and aptitude for the subject matter. To be honest, he would have preferred to only teach the Advanced Potions classes. Unfortunately both Albus Dumbledore and the Hogwarts’ Board of Governors were convinced that a traditional curricula, taught in a traditional manner as it had been for centuries, was the best. There were many things at Hogwarts that could be improved upon, reflected Snape. It was only in the past few years that corporal punishment had been banned at Hogwarts, much to the disapproval of Angus Filch. Snape was aware of, and even enjoyed at times, his reputation for sarcasm and willingness to assign detention. However he drew the line at beating students. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Resurrection</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In addition to Harry Potter, Narcissa Malfoy came to visit Snape a few times during his recovery. His old friend was grateful to him for protecting Draco. Lucius was not so friendly now that he knew Severus Snape had been a double-agent all along. However, even Lucius realized he owed Snape for looking out for Draco. Otherwise Severus Snape was left alone. His former Hogwarts' colleagues were remarkable for their absence. At first he was too exhausted from his ordeal to care. Later his habitual cynicism kicked in and he reflected that he didn’t have a lot of friends at the best of times and now several of them were gone. Charity Burbage was murdered by the death eaters. Albus was gone by his hand. And Flitwick and McGonagall had certainly shown what they thought of him when they cast killing curses at him. He was particularly glad to not see McGonagall but also angry that he didn’t have the chance to tell her exactly what he thought of her. </p><p>And then there was Miss Lovegood. He didn’t know what to think about her. As his student he had both appreciated the quality of her work and been exasperated by her quirks in nearly equal parts. But she was not his student now. And she didn't owe him anything. She had been affected by the past few years' trauma the same as other students. Snape was not able to protect her from being snatched from the Hogwarts Express and held captive in the Malfoy's cellar. Yet, she always found time to sit with him in the Infirmary, even if only for an hour. He found himself missing her calming presence, her lilting voice, and the golden halo of her hair when she wasn’t around. Don’t be an idiot he thought angrily. She has her schoolwork to keep her busy. She needs to study, not waste her time waiting on a sickly former teacher.  </p><p>Luna had always wanted a person of her own she could care for and who would care for her in return. Severus Snape certainly needed her care. And she felt bad that he didn’t have anyone to sit with him while he recovered. In addition Luna still had her final year of schooling to complete so Hogwarts was to be her home for 1 more year at least. After he relocated to the cottage on the school grounds, they developed a routine. In the afternoon Luna would take her books down to Snape’s cottage to keep him company as she studied. He would prepare a pot of tea as she did her lessons, setting the table with his usual methodical care. After drinking their tea they usually sat in a companionable silence. Sometimes Luna asked Snape for help in understanding a particularly difficult problem. But usually he sat in the shade with his tea and a favorite book. He alternated between reading his book and glancing over it at Luna when he thought she wouldn’t notice.  </p><p>When it was time for Luna to return to her dorm, she would help carry the tea things back to the kitchen, give Snape a quick hug and tell him goodbye before leaving him alone. In the beginning he received her hugs somewhat stiffly but after a while he began gently hugging her back. And then one day he held her tightly to him and kissed the top of her head. He savored the moment before loosening his hold.<br/>
”Take care, my dear,” he whispered.<br/>
”You, too, professor.” Luna gave him a radiant smile as she turned to go. ”See you tomorrow!”<br/>
”I always look forward to your visits,  Miss Lovegood.”<br/>
Snape stood in the doorway and watched her walk back to the castle.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Pentimento #2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By her third year at Hogwarts Luna was demonstrating an aptitude not only for brewing potions but also for creating entirely new ones. Snape even occasionally allowed her to assist him in his lab. This began as a detention due to an unfortunate incident in Potions class but eventually became a semi-regular occurrence. Luna had not meant to disrupt class but the ingredients called for in the potion sounded just a bit boring. And it was only a basic tonic. Surely there was no way it could prove dangerous, she reasoned, if she devianted just slightly from Professor Snape’s instructions. She thought that adding a few dried rose petals would make the tonic smell nicer. Next she added some coarsely ground turmeric to brighten the color and make the liquid a cheerful shade of yellow instead of boring beige. Luna was just giving it a final stir when the contents of her cauldron suddenly erupted. The force was so great that some of the splatter even reached the vaulted ceiling of the Potions lab. It’s color was nothing like the cheery yellow Luna envisioned as she mixed it and it definitely did not smell like roses. Professor Snape was not pleased and gave her 4 weeks of Sat detention.</p><p>When Luna arrived at the classroom that first Sat she saw that Professor Snape already was sitting at his desk reading the Potionmaker’s Journal. During the previous 3 years he’d seen that ordinary punishments had No effect on Luna. Nor did she seem intimidated by even his worst sarcasm. Luna was certainly no idiot. She was in fact quite gifted albeit undisciplined. But her lack of discipline in the potion’s classroom was dangerous. Snape did not want his promising young student to injure or maim herself.</p><p>”Come here Miss Lovegood.” He pointed to a chair next to his desk. Luna Sat and looked up at him. For a moment Snape was distracted by her gazing at him so attentively. However he quickly regained his composure.<br/>”I think, Miss Lovegood, that since you are determined to improvise it would be advisable for you to learn certain rules of thumb for Which ingredients have an aversion to each other and Which have an affinity. This will hopefully reduce the likelihood of future incidents like the one this past week.”<br/>Luna nodded to show she was listening.<br/>”I have created these charts that provide an easy way to check before adding new ingredients to a potion. I want you to use them to research both what went wrong with your potion and why it happened. Explain Which ingredients or combination thereof led to the unfortunate incident with your cauldron. When you have finished your research, you will write up a detailed report on the matter. Meanwhile I will be in and out of the room so do try to avoid doing anything liable to lead to further eruptions. It took hours to air out the foul stench of your previous one.”<br/>He handed her copies of his charts.<br/>Luna became excited as she read them.<br/>”These are lovely, Professor. Did you make them yourself?” She smiled up at him.<br/>Snape attempted to use his tried and true glare on Luna but, faced with her enthusiasm, he found it impossible.<br/>”Yes I did.”<br/>”Why don’t you make copies for the entire class?”<br/>”Because, Miss Lovegood, I expect my students to follow my instructions. Precisely. Since that expectation appears to be unrealistic in your case, I am making an exception. If you must experiment, at least don’t do so blindly” was his tart reply.</p><p>It took Luna over two hours to research the reasons why her potion had turned out badly. She then spent another hour working on her report. As she saw it she wanted to repay her professor for his trust in her. When she turned it in Snape immediately read over it while Luna watched his face for any sign of approval.<br/>But Snape merely said ”Very well. This concludes your detention for today. You may go now.”<br/>Luna attempted to hand her copy of the Potions chart back to him.<br/>”That is your copy, Miss Lovegood. I expect you to keep it on your person so you can consult it when brewing.”<br/>”But sir, I can’t take it back to my dormitory. My books and shoes and sometimes other things tend to disappear.”<br/>”What do you mean by disappearing? That you are careless and lose them?” Demanded Snape.<br/>”No sir, my roommates think it is funny to hide my things.”<br/>Snape grimaced. ”Very well. You may leave them in my Office on one condition. You will fetch them as soon as you enter this classroom. Every time you enter this classroom. Is that understood?”<br/>”Yes sir,”Luna beamed. ”Thank you for being so understanding!”<br/>”Well don’t tell anyone. It would damage my reputation for strictness” was the sardonic answer.<br/>”Oh, no sir!” And with a big smile Luna skipped out of the classroom.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. A Fresh Start</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>When you are in the middle of a crisis, most of your energy is focused upon just getting through the situation. It is afterwards that you sit back and think "that was awful!" and begin to process the experience.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Severus Snape had income from his pension so he had no need to seek employment. But now that the war was over and Voldemort defeated, Snape had no idea what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. He had spent the better part of 2 decades working from the shadows. But he was only 38 years old and far from ready to retire and just sit in the sun. He was reasonably certain he did not want to return to teaching Potions though. </p><p>Minerva McGonagall, now officially the new Headmistress, had hoped to convince Severus Snape to return to teach Potions at Hogwarts. She was even willing to offer him the Defense Against the Dark Arts position he had so wanted. She sent multiple owls to his cottage with various offers but never received a reply.  After weeks went by without any word she realized she would have to contact him directly. This was somewhat awkward since the last time they had been face to face was during the magical fight where he fled Hogwarts. </p><p>Finally, she became impatient and walked to Snape’s cottage. Snape and Luna were just sitting down to tea in the garden when she arrived. Luna greeted her with a smile.<br/>
”Hello Headmaster, please join us. I’ll go and fetch another cup and plate while you keep Professor Snape company.”<br/>
As Luna skipped inside to the kitchen Snape gestured languidly at the chair Luna had just vacated. ”By all means make yourself comfortable.”<br/>
”Thank you. I won’t stay long; I know you are still recuperating.”<br/>
”Yes. I’m afraid I still tire easily.”<br/>
There was an awkward silence. McGonagall decided to get right to the point. “Hogwarts needs to hire a new teacher for Potions. I thought you might be interested. Hear me out” she continued before he could respond. ”I see that you are not as recovered as I thought, but maybe you could teach just the advanced students? You won’t have to teach First Years. But maybe teaching 1 or 2 classes of advanced students wouldn’t be so bad. At least they are past the exploding cauldron stage. Well, most of them at least. And there are always a few who are an absolute joy to teach. It would only be for a few hours a week. And Miss Lovegood could assist you if you like. I mean if she is interested.”<br/>
”Headmaster McGonagall,” he began.<br/>
”Severus, call me Minerva.” She interrupted.<br/>
”No.” He replied icyly. ”You tried to kill me.”<br/>
McGonagall blinked. This was not quite the response she expected.<br/>
”Severus, it was war. I didn’t know you were working for Dumbledore. How could I know, when you played your part so effectively? Albus should have told me more of his plans . . .” Her voice dropped off under Snape’s cold gaze.<br/>
”Did you not notice that I merely deflected your Curses? That I did not fight back? That I fled rather than fight you?” There was a catch in his throat as he finished. McGonagall realized to her dismay that tears were running down his cheeks.<br/>
Luna had returned from the kitchen and was waiting for a pause in their conversation to serve McGonagall her tea. Now she ran up and put her arms around Severus Snape. Her voice was even colder than Snape’s as she hissed at McGonagall to leave immediately.<br/>
”I’m sorry. Really, truly sorry.” She mumbled as she headed up the path back to Hogwarts. </p><p>After McGonagall was out of earshot Luna pulled over a chair and sat so close to Snape that their legs were almost touching. She reached over and rubbed his back while he worked to regain his composure.<br/>
”What is wrong with me? My self-control is nearly gone,” he sniffed contemptuously while reaching for his handkerchief.<br/>
“I think,” said Luna, ”you’ve been holding things inside you for a long time and now they are all coming out. Perhaps it’s something you need to do.”<br/>
”Miss Lovegood,” snapped Snape. ”I do not need your advice or your pity!”<br/>
She didn’t answer but he could see the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly he was overwhelmed by a sense of shame at his treatment of her. She was practically his only living friend, aside from Narcissa who was mainly focused on her husband and son. He flashed back to himself standing outside the door to the Gryffindor common room, begging Lily to forgive him.<br/>
”I, I, I am sorry I was rude,” he shook his head in frustration.<br/>
“It’s alright if you want me to leave. I know people sometimes find me annoying.” said Luna.<br/>
”No. Please stay. Have another cup of tea. I want you to.”<br/>
Luna patted his arm, “I can stay as long as you like.”<br/>
”I’m worse than Potter now, whinging and moaning about the unfairness of it all.”<br/>
Luna tried, unsuccessfully, to hold back a smile. ”You must be feeling a bit better. You are back to complaining about Harry.”<br/>
Snape grimaced. ”How perceptive of you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. A Fresh Start (continued)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Guilt can make people behave strangely.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few weeks after the incident with Snape Headmistress McGonagall asked Luna to meet for tea at a muggle-owned café where they wouldn’t be recognized.<br/>”Thank you for meeting with me, Miss Lovegood. I appreciate you taking the time. I am sorry I upset Severus like that. I had no idea he was so sensitive. He was always so good at hiding his true feelings. . .” McGonagall’s voice trailed off. <br/>”He is feeling a bit better now.”<br/>”Do you think he will make a full recovery from his injuries?”<br/>“He already has, if you mean the snake bite. But his heart is still broken. He thought you were his friend. Of course now he feels sad and betrayed that you thought he was a Death Eater for real. I was just his student but I knew better.”<br/>”You certainly seem to be more than his student now, Miss Lovegood” said McGonagall waspishly.<br/>”Yes, I am his friend.” Luna looked directly at McGonagall. She had no intention of offering further details of their relationship. <br/>”Then perhaps you can tell me what is wrong with Severus Snape? He seems so broken somehow. Is it an after-effect of the poison? Will he return to normal eventually?”<br/>”No,” replied Luna. ”He has been through many terrible things. Now he’s trying to make sense of them and think about what to do with his life. He doesn’t have to protect Harry anymore or spy on the Death Eaters. He gets to make his own choices now.”<br/>McGonagall nodded. ”So I suppose he wants to make a fresh start now?”<br/>”Yes.”<br/>”And I suppose you are part of that fresh start? You do realize that having an affair with a student is grounds for immediate dismissal, do you not?”<br/>Luna glared at McGonagall. ”You know perfectly well that we were not having an affair when I was Severus’ student. And now Severus isn’t a teacher any more so there is no conflict of interest.”<br/>”There is no need to be hostile, Miss Lovegood. However, as long as you are a student at Hogwarts, you will abide by its rules. Do we understand one another?”<br/>Luna nodded in response. ”Yes Headmistress. I understand."</p><p>——————————</p><p>When she returned to Hogwarts  McGonagall pulled aside Flitwick for a private talk after the weekly staff meeting. <br/>”Filius, we must discuss the Luna Lovegood situation.”<br/>Flitwick merely raised his eyebrow in response. ”Situation, Minerva? What situation would that be?”<br/>”You know as well as I do that Miss Lovegood is having an illicit love affair with Severus Snape.”<br/>Flitwick shrugged. ”If you say so, Minerva.”<br/>”What are you going to do about it?”<br/>”Nothing. Why do you think I should interfere in Miss Lovegood’s private life?”<br/>”She is your student.”<br/>”Minerva,” replied Professor Flitwick ”he is a war hero who risked his life many times in the struggle to defeat Voldemort. She is a student, yes, but she only has a few short months left at Hogwarts. She has already turned 18. Why not just leave them alone? Let the problem solve itself.”<br/>McGonagall pursed her lips. <br/>”Is she at least returning to the dormitory at night?”<br/>”Yes, of course she is.”<br/>McGonagall still radiated her disapproval. <br/>”Can you guarantee that?”<br/>”Minerva, you know perfectly well we don’t do bed-checks. But I will talk to her about her, um, situation. Don’t want the school to look bad, of course.”<br/>”Very well.” McGonagall nodded.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Pentimento #3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One evening, when the faculty members were enjoying their after-dinner coffee (in some cases with the addition of a nip of firewhiskey), Snape brought-up the bullying of Luna Lovegood.<br/>
”Minerva, it is well past time to do something about the bullying problem at Hogwarts.”<br/>
”I agree Severus, as you well know. And, as you also know, Albus has no intention of doing anything. He claims that the students must handle their conflicts themselves. Says it builds character.” McGonagall grimaced in disapproval.<br/>
”Yes, it certainly did so much for mine,” sneered Snape.<br/>
McGonagall ignored his comment. ”Is there a particular reason you are bringing it up just now?”<br/>
”It is the Ravenclaw girl I mentioned a few days ago, Luna Lovegood.”<br/>
”Is she the student you think is so impressive?”<br/>
”Yes. She has the potential to be a great Potions maker. That is if she doesn’t blow herself up like her mother did.”<br/>
”Oh yes, I remember that accident. Terrible tragedy.”<br/>
”I have shared some of my own research with her in hope that it will help her experiment safely. According to her, her fellow Ravenclaws amuse themselves by stealing her belongings. Since this includes her books and notes, it is interfering with her education. I want this interference to stop,” snapped Snape.<br/>
”I agree, Severus.”<br/>
”I’ve given her a cubby in my office for storing her Potions materials for now. But this situation requires a more permanent solution.”<br/>
”We can take it up with Flitwick at tomorrow’s faculty meeting. While I respect Albus deeply, I cannot agree with him on this issue.”<br/>
Snape grimaced his acquiescence.</p><p>———————————-</p><p>After Luna became friends with Ginny Weasley and her friends Harry, Ron, and Hermione, she learned that not everyone appreciated Professor Snape’s manner. Everyone at Hogwarts knew that Harry Potter and Severus Snape had an adversarial relationship. But Luna was surprised to hear that Ron and Hermione also loathed her favorite professor.</p><p>”But why?”<br/>
”Because he’s a cold-hearted bully. He is especially hateful to Harry and Neville. I don’t care if he is a Potions genius, he doesn’t have to be so mean!” answered Hermione.<br/>
”I know Professor Snape gets horribly cross with Neville sometimes. But in fairness Neville has melted several cauldrons in Potions class. And Professor Snape worries that someone will be injured. He gets cross with me as well, you know. I don’t take it personally.”<br/>
”What about when Snape threatened to poison Neville’s road, Trevor.”<br/>
”He wouldn’t really have done it. And I think he partly is reacting to your disrespect of him.”<br/>
”What do you mean by that?”<br/>
”You did tell him what to do even though Professor Snape told you not to. Neville needed to do it on his own.”<br/>
”How do you know so much about it?” demanded Hermione. ”You’re a year behind us so you weren’t there.”<br/>
”Neville told me, of course. Professor Snape has me tutor Neville in potion making.”<br/>
”Anyway, I was trying to help Neville, not be disrespectful to the professor. Besides, Snape had already called me ’an insufferable know it all.’”<br/>
”Didn’t you tell me that you set him on fire during your first year?” asked Luna.<br/>
”Well yes, well it was just his robe,” replied Hermione. ”We thought he was jinxing Harry’s broom during the Quidditch match. And anyway, it wasn’t even real fire.”<br/>
”But it was unkind to poor Professor Snape. He could have been damaged.”<br/>
Hermione squirmed a bit. ”Well I suppose so.”<br/>
“And didn’t you steal from him? Like the time you needed ingredients for your polyjuice potion?”<br/>
“Well, I couldn’t just go up to Snape and ask him for the potion ingredients now could I? He would have wanted to know what I was doing with them.”<br/>
“But you did steal from him,” persisted Luna.<br/>
“Yes,” snapped Hermione. “We stole a few potion ingredients. But he’s been nasty to Harry since the very first.”</p><p>-----------------------------</p><p>Even Ginny had trouble understanding her friend’s perspective.<br/>
”How can you defend him, Luna? He’s so hateful and sarcastic.”<br/>
Luna tilted her head to the side and reflected. ”I don’t think he means to be cruel. He has a good heart. He does get very frustrated though. I think that is why he seems so ill-tempered at times. And he has a lot on his mind.”<br/>
Ginny just shook her head.</p><p>
  <span>—————————-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For his part Severus Snape was not at all pleased to learn that his Potions protegé was becoming fast friends with Potter and his group of trouble-makers. It was bad enough that Dumbledore was always making excuses for their misbehaviour. Even Minerva had remarked with disapproval upon Dumbledore’s favoritism towards Potter and his gang and they were in her House. Still, he supposed it was not all bad since her fellow Ravenclaws had stopped hiding Luna’s things. Apparently being a friend of Potter gave some social status.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. A Matter of Concern</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ah ha! I've fixed the wonky line spacing!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next Hogwarts’ professor to seek Snape’s company was Flitwick. He made an early afternoon visit in the hope Luna would still be in class so he could speak to Snape privately. To his dismay he saw she was already sitting in the garden drinking tea with Severus Snape.<br/>
”Well, well,” he boomed heartedly. ”I was out for a stroll.”<br/>
”Amazing, isn’t it?” sneered Snape. ”How some of my former colleagues just seem to happen by lately. Especially after having ignored my continued existence for so long.”<br/>
Flitwick winced. “Touche, Snape! But I am not here for a social call. There is something we should discuss. You no doubt know that Miss Lovegood is in my House. I even remember you expressing concern about her being bullied a few years ago.”<br/>
”Yes.”<br/>
”I don’t know the nature of your relationship with Miss Lovegood and, frankly, it is none of my business. However, McGonagall is making it her business. I just want to suggest care. Miss Lovegood is my student and I don’t want her to be caught in between you and Minerva.”<br/>
”What does that mean? I have nothing to do with Headmistress McGonagall.”<br/>
”She has expressed some concerns about the nature of your relationship with Miss Lovegood.”<br/>
”She comes and drinks tea with me in the afternoon. Sometimes I help her with her lessons. Sometimes she works in my garden. That is the extent of our relationship.” said Snape coldly.<br/>
”Merlin’s beard, man, I am on your side! I hope you do find happiness, with Miss Lovegood or someone else, it doesn’t matter. Just be careful of Minerva McGonagall.”<br/>
Snape skeptically raised an eyebrow.<br/>
“And why is that, pray tell?”<br/>
“She is convinced that something, ahem, inappropriate is going on and I don’t wish to see Miss Lovegood penalized for it.”<br/>
”Why is she cross with Luna? And why is she so certain that something inappropriate is going on?” Snape’s tone of voice became sharper as he became increasingly exasperated.<br/>
”Miss Lovegood has been your fervent supporter all along. Had she not been so insistent, we would never have found you in the wreckage of the Shrieking Shack,” replied Flitwick.<br/>
”I am aware of her part in saving my life.”<br/>
Luna interjected, ”She feels guilty about not realizing that you were a spy and not a Death Eater. And she knows that I did. That’s why she is so cross with us both.”<br/>
Both men turned and looked at her. Filius Flitwick chuckled. ”Yes, I think you are correct, Miss Lovegood.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Tea with Flitwick</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sometimes we fail to see the obvious.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Snape smirked. Luna was good at finding the key point and bluntly, fearlessly communicating it.<br/>”Luna, would you fetch some tea for our guest. And perhaps a bit of cake as well?”<br/>”Certainly.” She was glad to see him being more social and not chasing away Professor Flitwick.<br/>After Luna went into the house Flitwick asked, ”Did Luna bake it?”<br/>”Oh, no. She is too busy with her schoolwork to have time for baking. Or having torrid love affairs with middle-aged former professors.” He snickered.<br/>Filius Flitwick chuckled, ”I seem to have put you into a better mood.”<br/>”I am accustomed to being seen as the stern ”bat of the dungeon,” not the "sexy seducer of the dungeon". Very amusing.”<br/>"So what are your plans? Flitwick asked, ”Have you considered writing a new, better Potions textbook? With your years of teaching experience you must have lots of ideas.”<br/>Snape sighed ”I cannot imagine any circumstances that would compel me to return to the classroom. Even working on a textbook would require interaction with students in order to observe their reactions to the new presentation. Miss Lovegood was an excellent assistant when she was my student but she will finish school in a few months and then leave Hogwarts to start her career.”<br/>Flitwick flushed slightly. ”Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.”<br/>Snape sighed. ”Miss Lovegood is a lovely young woman and I appreciate her company during my recovery. But I can hardly expect her to put her life on hold for her old Potions Professor.<br/>Snape narrowed his eyes. He felt a surge of anxiety at the prospect of Luna leaving Hogwarts and him. He started to tell himself not to be selfish but the thought of making yet another sacrifice made him angry.<br/>Meanwhile Filius Flitwick could see that Snape was having some sort of inner conflict. Evidently, he thought, Snape’s famed composure was another casualty of the war.<br/>Fortunately Luna returned with the tea things just then.<br/>”I’m sorry, I had trouble finding everything. Did you two have a nice chat?”<br/>”Indeed we did, Miss Lovegood,” answered Flitwick. ”I think we have cleared up a few matters, haven’t we?” He turned in his chair to face Snape.<br/>”I agree, Flitwick. And now we shall have our tea.”<br/>Luna smiled contentedly. She was glad to see her professor socializing with one of his old colleagues. She knew he spent much of his time alone and could see that even someone who valued his privacy as much as Severus Snape needed to have some social contact. The conversation turned to how her schoolwork was progressing, Professor Flitwick’s newest batch of First Year Ravenclaws, and the results of the latest Quidditch match. After a while Flitwick took his leave and headed back to the school.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Call Me Severus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After clearing away the tea things Luna had planned to go to the school library to work on some research. But when she turned to Snape to make her goodbyes she saw he was shaking. 
I can't leave him when he is like this, she thought. Something is wrong. She sensed he was distressed. But Luna knew there was no point in asking him what was upsetting him. He would almost certainly deny it.<br/>
So instead she asked, ”should I fetch your cloak? It is getting chilly out here.”<br/>
”Let us go inside. I’ll light a fire and we both can get warm. That is if you can stay a while longer.”<br/>
”Of course I can,” replied Luna. </p><p>Once indoors they settled in front of the fireplace, Snape on the sofa and Luna in an armchair. Snape poured himself a small glass of firewhiskey and offered to pour a glass for Luna but she declined. For a while they sat in a companionable silence while Snape drank his firewhiskey. As he was warmed by the fire and the influence of the firewhiskey, Snape became visibly more relaxed and Luna sensed that he was more open to talking now.<br/>
”Professor Snape,”<br/>
”Call me Severus. I’m not your professor now.”<br/>
Luna beamed at him ”Then you must call me Luna.”<br/>
”What did you want to say to me, Luna?”<br/>
“I believed in you the entire time.” She spoke so softly that he first doubted that she had spoken at all.<br/>
”Silly girl” he responded. ”You couldn’t possibly have seen through me when even Voldemort couldn’t.” His gentle tone of voice betrayed his hard words though.<br/>
Luna tilted her head to the left as she searched for the right words.<br/>
”I could see your heart is good. That was all I needed.”<br/>
”And just when did you have this need?” He tried to sound snide but failed utterly.<br/>
”When I was captive in the Malfoy’s cellar, I thought about your voice and it comforted me. Then I didn’t feel so scared and lonely.”<br/>
Severus looked down at his hands.<br/>
”I am sorry, Luna. Sorry for everything and every time I could not protect you and the other innocents.”<br/>
Luna hurried over to sit beside Severus on the sofa and reassure him.<br/>
”I know,” she replied. ”You did a lot more good than you realize.” She patted him on the arm.<br/>
”Were you aware that we are supposed to be lovers?” asked Severus after a few minutes .<br/>
Luna looked up at him with a smile but didn’t say anything. Snape surmised, correctly, that her smile was an affirmation.<br/>
”When were you going to inform me of our relationship?” asked Severus. ”It seems the sort of thing I should know about.” He smiled at her in return, a strange, almost shy smile.<br/>
”I thought you might be cross. I know how much you value your privacy.”<br/>
”You are a strange, silly girl at times.”<br/>
”I know.”<br/>
”Come here, silly girl,” he said and wrapped his arms around her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. On the Way Back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Reconciliation requires honesty.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After a few minutes Severus sighed and released Luna from their hug.<br/>
”You really do need to return to your dormitory,” he said. ”Now is not the time to further irritate McGonagall. Although I suppose I shall have to make peace with her eventually.” He grimaced.<br/>
Luna was in no hurry to end the moment. Severus saw her as his friend. He was no longer only her snarky Potions professor. They were friends now.  She fetched her cloak from a hook next to the front door still basking in that realization.<br/>
”Thank you for having me as your friend Severus.”<br/>
”Thank you, Luna, for being mine.” He gave a slight bow and then continued. ”It gets dark early this far into autumn. Let me accompany you back to the Great Hall.”<br/>
”Thank you. I would like that.”</p><p>As they walked towards the castle Severus reflected that he was always calmer in her company. He wasn’t sure just why that was. She could certainly be exasperating at times. But her concern for him touched him far deeper than he was willing to admit. And while her eccentricities could be annoying at times, there was absolutely no malice in her heart. By the time they arrived at the castle door, he had decided to put the matter aside. What did it matter after all? </p><p>As they came in sight of the castle door Luna saw with a sinking feeling that Headmistress McGonagall was standing beside it. She gave a stiff nod at their approach. As soon as Snape saw McGonagall he stiffened and his mask snapped into place. Luna sensed a deep chill come over him.<br/>
”As you can see, I have returned Miss Lovegood to the castle safe and sound,” he sneered.<br/>
”I am very glad to see that, Mr. Snape.”<br/>
He raised an eyebrow at that but made no direct reply.<br/>
”Excuse me, Headmistress, am I in trouble?” asked Luna.<br/>
”No, Miss Lovegood. But in future please try to return earlier. It gets dark early this late in the year.”<br/>
”Yes ma’am.” Luna turned to Snape with a smile. ”Thank you for seeing me safely back to the Castle.”<br/>
”Good evening, Miss Lovegood. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow as usual.” He bowed and waited until she entered the castle before turning to leave.</p><p>”Snape, please wait,” said McGonagall. ”Filius told me about your conversation earlier. I am sorry I misjudged you yet again. I used to think I knew you but now I realize I didn’t know you at all.”<br/>
Snape gave a stiff nod. ”I take it that Miss Lovegood is back in your good graces then? Untarnished by her association with me?”<br/>
McGonagall looked as if she wished to say more but instead she simply nodded.<br/>
”In that case,” continued Snape, ”I wish you a pleasant evening.”<br/>
”Wait. Is there anything I can do to help?”<br/>
”Yes. Remove the rubble of that damn shack and the Whomping Willow. I need no reminder that I nearly died there.”<br/>
”Of course. I’ll take care of it first thing tomorrow.”<br/>
Some of the tension left Snape’s body. ”I would appreciate that. Now I’m afraid I must return home. It is almost time for my evening potions’ dosage. Good night.”<br/>
”Good night.”</p><p>-------------------------------------</p><p>A combination of continuing poor health and a lack of any responsibilities meant that Severus tended to sleep late in the morning. As much difficulty as he had falling asleep, he was happy when he could get a full 8 hours even if it was during the day. So it was mid-morning the next day when Severus, still barely even half- woken, began fantasizing how it would feel to have Luna beside him in bed with him kissing her sweet lips. What would it be like to slip his tongue into her warm, wet mouth? To feel the wetness between her thighs and slip his cock into her . . .</p><p>Suddenly he snapped into complete wakefulness with a confused jumble of thoughts pouring through his mind. What am I thinking? Luna is a student. I taught her when she was just a child. Suddenly he was angry at himself for his selfishness. By Merlin, he had not even thought of her as anything other than a student until McGonagall started carrying on about their alleged affair. Although to be honest he had already felt extra protective of her going back to when he first heard how much she was bullied even by members of her own House. His own memories of being bullied meant that he identified with her. Of course, he thought. That was it. She was good at Potions as well. That was something else that made him identify with her. That must account for the connection he felt. But he was also angry that he had spent most of his life living by other’s rules. He groaned to himself. Why shouldn’t he become involved with Luna, if she would have him? She was an adult now, albeit a young one.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>3 times Severus Snape nearly died in the Shrieking Shack: 1. when Sirius Black tricked him in to following Remus Lupin there during the full moon, 2. when he was thrown across the room when Hermione, Ron and Harry cast the Disarming Charm at him simultaneously and knocked him into the wall; and 3. when he was attacked by Nagini.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Pentimento #4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At her next Saturday detention Luna was fully prepared with her charts and her notes carefully written in her potions notebook.<br/>“What shall we do today, Professor?”<br/>”You, Miss Lovegood, will be researching more Potions ingredients. I see you have your charts. You will use them to predict the probable results of combining these and other ingredients in your Potions. When you have completed this step, and only when you have completed this step, we will proceed to actual brewing. Do not hurry through your research in order to start brewing as soon as possible. Do you understand?” He fixed her with his most stern glare.<br/>”No sir! I won’t hurry. I think this research is perfectly lovely in any case. I enjoyed last week’s detention very much.”<br/>Snape rolled his eyes at Luna’s last comment.<br/>”How fortunate, then, that I was able to oblige. In the future, should you wish to serve more detention, a simple request will suffice. I foresee no need for more unfortunate cauldron incidents.”<br/>Luna laughed out loud in response to Snape’s sarcastic comment, clearly not at all intimidated. With a sigh Snape directed her to a nearby desk before sitting at his own with a pile of student essays to grade.<br/>He had completed grading the pile of Hufflepuff essays and was starting on the Slytherin pile when he noticed a strange background noise. Luna was working intently and had started humming to herself.<br/>”Miss Lovegood?”<br/>Yes, Professor?”<br/>”Is it absolutely necessary to hum while you work?”<br/>”Yes sir, I mean I don’t have to, but it helps keep the Wrackspurts away. Otherwise they could infest my brain while I am working and make me confused.”<br/>”I suppose that is what caused the unfortunate incident 2 weeks ago?”<br/>Luna nodded in agreement, apparently totally oblivious to Snape’s sarcastic tone.<br/>”Very well, hum if you must. But please do it quietly.” He glared for emphasis.</p><p>By the time Snape had finished the pile of Slytherin essays he was feeling a bit hungry. It was just as well to stop for lunch and continue the Potions work the following Saturday. He looked over at Luna and saw that she was working more slowly as well. Yes, breaking for an early lunch was probably best.</p><p>"It is time for lunch, Miss Lovegood so you may go now.” said Snape, expecting her to be glad the time had passed so quickly.<br/>”But aren’t we going to brew today? I was so looking forward to it!”<br/>”When you come to next Saturday’s detention we will start brewing. Meanwhile be sure to collect all your notes. We will review them before we start.”</p><p>———————-</p><p>For her third detention Luna arrived early, looking forward to getting to brew<br/>this time. When she entered the Potions classroom, Professor Snape was nowhere to be seen so Luna laid-out her paperwork on the table in preparation. She hoped that, once her professor reviewed her notes, she would be allowed to start brewing. Creating a brand new potion was much so more interesting than simply following the directions to make one of the old stand-bys.<br/>Right on time her Potions professor burst through the door, robes billowing behind him.<br/>”Are you prepared, Miss Lovegood? I trust there are no wrackspurts or other distractions today?”<br/>Luna tilted her head to the side and thought a moment. ”No, not today, sir.”<br/>”Very well then. What result do we get when you combine the Wildebeest hoof-shavings with liquid mermaid tears?”<br/>Luna reflected a moment.<br/>”The 2 have no affinity or aversion so nothing would result from that combination.”<br/>Snape narrowed his eyes in irritation, but before he could respond, Luna continued. ”But the Dragon’s Blood used to stabilize the Mermaid Tears so they don’t ossify has an aversion to all sorts of hoof-shavings.” Here Luna paused again. ”And it so would be dangerous to combine them.”<br/>”Please describe the manner of the danger.”<br/>”They would give-off a noxious vapor, sir.”<br/>”Suppose you needed to use the hoof-shavings and the Mermaid Tears in a potion? Would you just toss them into your cauldron and run like mad to avoid the vapors?”<br/>Luna giggled to herself. ”I don’t think I could run fast enough!”<br/>Seeing Snape’s frown she continued ”I would first add a small amount of Pixie Dust, Blue Pixie Dust not Yellow, to the Mermaid Tears to neutralize the Dragon’s Blood.”<br/>Snape nodded.<br/>”Shall we try it now, sir?”<br/>Snape gestured towards the cauldron, ”by all means, Miss Lovegood. Please begin.”<br/>The 2 spent the next 2 hours with Luna combining small amounts of different potion ingredients and Snape quizzing her on the results.</p><p>Finally, Snape asked Luna, “What conclusions have you drawn, Miss Lovegood?”<br/>”I see now why you should balance the ingredients. Changing one without adjusting the others can cause a dangerous imbalance and even an explosion.”<br/>”Which is something we all wish to avoid, is it not?” He fixed her with his best steely glare.<br/>”Yes, sir. I agree, sir.” She nodded emphatically.<br/>”I see now. You are afraid I will be hurt, or even killed like my mother. That’s why you are so cross with me when I don’t follow your instructions.” Luna nodded to herself. ”And you wanted me to realize that on my own.”<br/>”An excellent deduction, Miss Lovegood. As soon as you have cleaned up, you may go.”<br/>“Thank you, sir!” Luna beamed.<br/>Professor Snape just shook his head and turned away but Luna was certain she saw the beginnings of a smile at the corner of her professor’s mouth.</p><p>__________________________________________</p><p>
  <span>Neville Longbottom could not for the life of him understand why Luna seemed to enjoy serving detention with scary Professor Snape. Neville would have been overjoyed to hear that Snape had vanished from Hogwarts, never to be seen again. Luna attempted to explain her insights about the Professor to Neville but her effort was in vain. Neville was convinced that Snape was the bane of his existence. Ironically Professor Snape felt much the same about Neville.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I just made a minor edit since I only just now realized I had put part of Chapter 13 at the end of Chapter 12.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Pentimento #5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Luna realizes that even teachers can be hurting.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Luna’s fourth detention was her final one with the snarky Potions professor. She was a bit sad because she liked not having to compete with an entire class for Snape’s feedback on her work. Meanwhile Severus Snape was feeling more than a bit lackluster that morning and it showed. He demanded punctuality of himself as well as others. But in all honesty he would have prefered to spend the morning in bed with the covers pulled up to his head.</p><p>At first this detention seemed much the same as the previous one.However Luna was quick to notice her professor’s ill humor.<br/>”Sir, are you feeling unwell? Can I fetch you something? A cup of tea?”<br/>”There is no need for your concern, Miss Lovegood. I am simply a bit indisposed. I am certain I will survive. Meanwhile you should continue from where we left- off last Saturday.”<br/>Luna worked in silence for a while since she knew Professor Snape did not care for singing during detentions. Still, she thought, perhaps he wouldn’t mind a tiny bit of quiet humming. When she glanced over at him she was shocked at how grey and drawn he looked. Snape was sweating and shaking slightly.<br/>”Professor!” she cried. ”I’ll go fetch Madame Pomfrey.”<br/>Snape shook his head though.<br/>”No. Don’t. Fetch the bottle labeled ”Restorative” from the small cabinet. Pour some into that beaker and warm it. Add a spoon of honey while it’s warming. Then bring it to me.”</p><p>Luna added a generous spoonful of orange blossom honey and stirred it vigorously before handing it to Snape. The Restorative Potion smelled of mint and lemon balm as well as other ingredients she could not identify. He was even paler than usual and breaking into a cold sweat. He gave a curt nod as he took the warm beaker and downed its contents.<br/>”Thank you, Miss Lovegood.”<br/>Luna looked up at him with her concerned stare. She could see that he was still far from well.<br/>”Should I prepare more, sir? Or fetch Madame Pomfrey?”<br/>”No!” he snapped. ”Do not tell anyone that I was ill. Do you understand?”<br/>”Yes, professor. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone, ever.”<br/>Snape nodded curtly.”You may consider your detention finished. Go now.”<br/>”I can sit with you until you feel better if you like, professor.”<br/>”I have no need for a nursemaid. I said I will be fine.” He pointed to the door.<br/>”Should I wait outside the door in case you change your mind?”<br/>Snape groaned out loud. Bad enough to show weakness in front of a student. Now she wouldn’t leave. As if there was anything she could do to help. And what if someone came by while she was standing watch outside the classroom door?<br/>”Very well,” he said. ”Sit quietly at your desk. No humming. I will be better in a few minutes. But I must have complete silence, do you understand?”</p><p>Luna nodded. Snape remained seated at his desk and put his head in his hands. At least he hadn’t vomited. That would have been the ultimate indignity. And the silly girl would probably have fetched half the school staff and told them he was dying. Meanwhile Luna focused on her schoolwork, careful not to make a sound. Her poor professor was ill and she wanted to help him. She glanced over at him every so often.</p><p>After about 20 minutes the potion had begun to work and Professor Snape was looking noticeably better when Luna surreptitiously checked. When he looked over at her, she was back to looking down at her parchment.<br/>”Miss Lovegood, as you can see, I am feeling much better now. There is no need for you to keep watch over me. However,” he held up his hand, ”I am afraid your detention is over for now. You may return to your friends or whatever it is you do on a normal Saturday.”<br/>”Yes sir, if you are certain there isn’t anything I can do to help? And I promise not to tell anyone you were sick.”<br/>Snape nodded. ”I appreciate that Miss Lovegood. I do sometimes have interesting Potions experiments. You may be interested in joining me on occasion,” here he paused because he feared Luna would explode from happiness. ”If, and only if, you solemnly promise to always follow my instructions in class and to not experiment on your own. Do you understand?” He fixed Luna with his best stern scowl, the one that could melt Neville Longbottom into a quivering puddle in under 10 seconds. Luna, as usual, was uncowed.<br/>”Yes! Please sir, when do we start?”<br/>”I will inform you when the opportunity arises. Now go.”</p><p>For a moment Snape was afraid she would hug him. To his relief she simply packed her schoolwork and skipped out the door, beaming.</p><p>__________________________________________</p><p>Luna was worried about her professor. She could see that he was unwell but she also sensed that he was a very private person. And a student was the last person he would take into his confidence. Still, she wanted to show her support for him. Luna resolved to give the matter more study the next she saw him.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Professor Snape suffers from panic attacks for obvious reasons.<br/>I made a minor edit since I only just now realized I had put part of Chapter 13 at the end of Chapter 12.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Like Having Friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Many of the faculty and staff were determined to make the school-term as normal as possible. Quidditch practice went on as usual as did choir practice and the activities of the other school clubs. For many Hogwarts students as well there was a sense of security in following the old routines. For the first time in several years Hogwarts was functioning properly as a school. But it was far quieter than usual. Students didn’t congregate in giggling groups or run excitedly in the hallways. Almost no one raised their voice and, the few times someone did, it felt almost shocking. Luna had her own routines with her schoolwork. She wasn’t terribly concerned about her NEWTS. She knew Severus would help her revise if she needed him to. She was also helping Hagrid 2-3 times a week as part of the practical part of Care of Magical Creatures. The Thestrels were her particular responsibility and she enjoyed her time with them a great deal. </p><p>It was the social side of her life that was lacking. She missed Harry and Ron and she really missed the DA meetings. As she had said to Harry once, it was like having friends. They had worked together for a common purpose. Now many of them had finished school and gone their separate ways. Ginny was one of the few who remained since she, like Luna, was in her final year at Hogwarts. Hermione also was doing her 7th Year since she had left school to hunt for horcruxes. Although Hermione had originally been dismissive of Luna they had become friends during the events of the 2nd Wizarding War. But ever since Hermione found-out where Luna was spending her afternoons, she had become distant. Finally Luna asked her why?</p><p>”There’s nothing wrong with hanging about with Professor Snape. I mean, I know he’s a hero now and all that. But why every day? He’s not the most pleasant person even at his best. And what do you find to talk about? Surely Potions can’t be that fascinating.”<br/>
”I do my homework and he sits and reads. Sometimes I ask for help if I get stuck. But he prefers that people figure-out things for themselves.” Luna reflected, ”that’s why he would get so frustrated with you.”<br/>
”Hmph. He could have just said so instead of calling me an insufferable know it all.”<br/>
”And you didn’t have to call me Loony Lovegood, either.”<br/>
Hermione cringed a little. ”Sorry about that.”<br/>
”It’s alright, you haven’t called me that in a while.”</p><p>Ginny was more understanding but she, too, thought it a bit odd.<br/>
”Whatever makes you happy. You know there is a rumor that you two are having an affair.”<br/>
Luna grimaced. ”I know.  We aren’t though.”<br/>
”But you do fancy him, don’t you?”<br/>
Luna thought for a moment. ”Yes, I do.”<br/>
”Has he said anything to you? Have you kissed?”<br/>
Luna shook her head.<br/>
”Bet you’ve thought about it though, haven’t you?” teased Ginny.<br/>
Luna’s smile was all the answer Ginny needed.<br/>
”But doesn’t it feel, well, strange, that he used to be your teacher?”<br/>
”Before it would have. Nothing is the same as before the war. I don’t think it matters any more. Now it’s more we who fought together and those who didn’t. And most people don’t understand what it was like there in Malfoy's cellar. I wasn’t tortured but I could hear the screams of those who were. I think I would rather be tortured myself than have to listen to that again.”<br/>
Tears welled in both young women’s eyes as they hugged each other tightly.<br/>
Ginny smiled through her tears.<br/>
”If he makes you happy, Luna, that’s all that matters.”<br/>
”Thank you, Ginny.”<br/>
”What will you do after you finish school?”<br/>
”Go back to Sweden and keep searching for the Crumple Horned Snorkack, of course! For a while at least. And help Daddy with the Quibbler.”<br/>
”I can give the Quibbler exclusive interviews about my Quidditch career. I’m already being scouted. You mustn’t tell anyone, though, not until I actually sign a contract.”<br/>
”Not a word. I promise!”<br/>
”What about Severus Snape? Will he go with you to Sweden?”<br/>
Luna sighed. ”I don’t think he knows what he wants to do.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. They Come Out at Night. . . Mostly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>During most evenings after Luna returned to the castle Severus pottered about in the kitchen. He enjoyed cooking and surprising Luna with new delicacies. She was particularly fond of pudding. Cooking after all was simply another application of his Potion brewing skills. He hadn’t had the time and energy, or the freedom for that matter, to experiment just to satisfy his own curiosity for a long time. It gave him a focus and kept his mind from stewing over the events of the past several years. Sometimes he missed having the use of the Hogwarts Potions classroom but he couldn’t bring himself to ask for access to it. He would have to ask Minerva McGonagall for permission and, despite the slight thaw between them, that was too much for his pride.</p><p>It was night-time that was the problem. He couldn’t sleep properly. Instead he woke several times a night and it was typically 3 or 4 am before he fell into a deep, restful sleep. Severus suffered from nightmares, but that was nothing new. In his most common nightmare Severus dreamed he was back in the Shrieking Shack, paralysed but fully conscious. In reality he had lost consciousness after Potter collected his tears. But in his nightmares he was fully conscious as the snake fed on his paralysed body. In other dreams Charity Burbage or Lily Evans or Narcissa Malfoy were the ones being consumed in front of him as he stared in horror. Or his students were being abused in horrific ways by the Carrows while he was forced to watch, unable to intervene and protect them. He would awaken still sobbing, his pillow drenched with his tears. ”I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” he whispered. The worst nightmares prompted panic attacks that caused him to shake and vomit. At least now he could take a dose of Dreamless Sleep right before bedtime if he wished. It was only thanks to the Calming Potion and Dreamless sleep Severus took every evening that he was able to sleep at all. Before he had been wary of taking any sort of strong sedative or sleeping potion since he was on call 24 hours a day. Snape never knew when Dumbledore or Voldemort might demand his presence. And of course Potter was usually up to something or on some ridiculous, self-righteous mission. That was one worry he no longer had at least.</p><p>He couldn’t remember the last time he felt truly relaxed. For much of his life letting his guard down would have been a dangerous mistake. As a child he had learned to keep a wary eye on his father. Tobias could fly into a rage at any moment and lash-out unexpectedly. It was better to be as far away as possible when that happened. He'd thought that Hogwarts would be a reprieve but the Marauders destroyed that illusion. So the young Severus learned to keep a careful watch on the people around him. It was good training for when he became a spy. Only, now when he was freed from his responsibilities, he couldn’t just turn-off his hyper-vigilance. Severus Snape had always been a light sleeper. Now he was almost a non-sleeper.</p><p>There was one light in his darkness, though, a golden light. It pervaded his dreams, dreams of long, golden hair and bright blue eyes. He woke one morning with an erection, his first in years. The strain of being a double agent, pulled in different directions by both his masters, had nearly killed his libido. Lying in bed he fantasized about having Luna atop him, riding his cock, her lovely long hair a golden cloak. The fantasy alone made him groan with lust. When he took his cock in his hand, it needed very little stimulation to bring him to orgasm. Afterwards as he relaxed in the afterglow he realized he felt so much contentment while in that golden light.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>PTSD is a bitch, y'all!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Pentimento #6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Set during Deathly Hallows</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Over time Snape realized that his usual strategies for keeping his distance from his students had little effect on Luna Lovegood. He was mystified by the trust she seemed to place in him. Severus Snape had a gravitas about him that comforted Luna. When in his presence Luna knew she was safe. This was partly because the other students didn’t dare bully her when he was nearby since they were on their best behaviour around the strict professor. But it was also because Luna found his voice very soothing. His sarcasm did not bother her. Indeed it often seemed to go right past her entirely. At first he had been irritated by her apparent inattentiveness in class until he realized that she was very observant actually. She simply did not process information in the same manner as other students. Her dreamy look meant she was thinking deeply about the task at hand, not mindlessly daydreaming. And he gradually developed a grudging respect for her fearlessness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------------------------------------------</span>
</p><p>After he became Headmaster Snape no longer had time for afterhours Potions research, with or without an assistant. He did see Luna in passing at times and appreciated her warm smile when she greeted him. By that point, no one else was smiling at him, students or staff.</p><p>That year, when Luna failed to return after the Christmas holidays, Snape’s first thought was that her father kept her at home out of concern for her safety. Now he was Headmaster, Snape had far too many responsibilities to spend much time worrying over one student, not even Harry Potter. Potter was no longer attending Hogwarts anyway which was a relief. The head-strong boy was always getting into something, usually something dangerous, and then the adults would have to clean-up the mess afterwards. Snape did not miss his presence. It was another matter when he learned from Narcissa that he was wrong about Luna’s absence however, and that she actually was being held at Malfoy Manor. This quickly led to a confrontation with the other Death Eaters stationed at Hogwarts.</p><p>Snape began by summoning the Carrow siblings to his office.<br/>”I hear you two have removed one of my students from the Hogwarts Express,” he said coldly. ”Furthermore I have been informed that she is being held in the cellar of Malfoy Manor.” Snape glared at both Carrows but they just smirked.<br/>“Hogwarts students are my responsibility. How dare you interfere?”<br/>”The Dark Lord wanted The Quibbler to cease its anti-Death Eater propaganda. Holding the girl hostage is an effective means of keeping him in line.”<br/>”How dare you touch her?” snapped Snape. ”She is a pureblood and one of my best students.”<br/>”Have plans for her, do you?” snickered Amycus Carrow.<br/>This only increased Snape’s anger.<br/>”What is that supposed to mean?” He demanded. ”I was training her to be one of the best Potions Makers of our time. How much use will she be to the Dark Lord if she is too traumatized to think straight?”<br/>Carrow leered, ”Oh I’m sure you can make good use of her even without her wits. She’s a pretty little thing, isn’t she? And good breeding stock as well. She’s young enough to pop out at least a dozen babies.”<br/>With a snarl of rage Snape pointed towards the door. ”Get out! And keep your hands off my students,” he hissed.<br/>Amycus Carrow snickered again as they both edged toward the door.<br/>After the Carrows went Snape threw himself onto a chair. It was difficult enough to protect the students from the worst excesses of the Carrows while they were on campus. Now they were being kidnapped from the school train.</p><p>The second time Luna’s fate became a topic of conversation was at a meeting at Malfoy Manor. This time Bellatrix was the one who made the accusation that he wanted Luna for himself. Despite still being angry about the kidnapping, he was better prepared this time and responded with an off-hand sneer.<br/>”I do not molest children!”<br/>”She’s 16 years old, Severus, a young woman. Not a child”<br/>”Bella, you disgust me.”<br/>Lucius Malfoy laughed. ”So nothing has changed. In any case Bellatrix, I rather thought she would suit Draco. What do you think, Severus?”<br/>Snape shrugged. ”My concern is with her abilities in potion brewing. What she does with her social life is no concern of mine.”</p><p>However, Narcissa knew him far better than the Carrows or Bellatrix. As he was leaving Malfoy Manor she pulled him aside.<br/>”This young woman is important to you, Severus. I can see that. Don’t try to deny it. You are looking after my boy; I can look after your,” here Narcissa paused, ”your student.”<br/>Snape nodded ”Thank you,” he whispered.<br/>When he heard from Narcissa that Luna had escaped along with several other captives he was relieved. Although Merlin only knew what kind of trouble Potter would lead her into. But that was on his head rather than Snape’s.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. More Tea, More Flitwick, More Fun!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As October progressed and it became too chilly to sit outside Severus and Luna started taking their tea indoors. They placed the table and chairs in the parlor next to the front window so they could enjoy the view.  At Luna’s insistence Severus invited Filius Flitwick to join them once a week. The Charms professor was sympathetic and scrupulously avoided referring to the events of the previous few years. Instead he brought the latest issues of Charms &amp; Potions Quarterly or chatted about how the new batch of First Years were adapting to life at Hogwarts. For the most part they avoided discussing the current Hogwarts faculty members. But one day Severus brought up the subject himself. </p><p>”How is Professor Slughorn as a Potions professor, Luna? Has he branched-out some or is he still just regurgitating the book?”<br/>
Luna giggled in response. ”That's a good description. Hermione likes the way Professor Slughorn teaches strictly by the book. But I find it quite tedious sometimes. He won’t let me use alternative methods, even the ones I learned when you were my teacher.”<br/>
”Of course not,” snarked Severus. ”That would require actual creativity.”<br/>
”Slughorn never did have your sense of style,” sighed Flitwick. ”More’s the pity.” Flitwick looked puzzled. ”But I thought you weren’t interested in teaching any more?”<br/>
Severus smirked. ”You may recall that I have long wanted to create an entirely new Potions curriculum. In fact you even suggested at one point that I should consider rewriting the textbook. The current textbook is over 50 years old. If the students must suffer through professors who merely repeat the textbook, at least they should have an up to date one. But I want to rethink the entire manner in which Potions is taught. For example grouping the students by their aptitude for the subject rather than their year in school. And one’s House has absolutely no relevance as to how well or how quickly one progresses. To put it succinctly, I don’t want a revised or even a new Potions textbook. I want to create an entirely new way of teaching Potions.”<br/>
Flitwick squeaked excitedly. ”Excellent idea!  And there is no one more qualified than you, Severus, to do it.” He paused, concerned that Snape might object to the use of his given name but he seemed unconcerned.<br/>
”I have several years worth of research notes to sort through before I begin writing of course. But, as luck would have it, I am now a man of leisure.”<br/>
”It sounds like a perfectly splendid idea. I’m glad to help any way I can.”<br/>
”Be careful, I just might take you up on your offer at some point.”</p><p>On other occasions Flitwick and Severus regaled Luna with tales of strange incidents that had occured at Hogwarts before she started there. Some of them were legendary among the student body and Luna loved hearing more. <br/>”It was in large part due to Severus’ superb skills in Potions that I was able to recover my usual form after that very unfortunate accident a few years ago.”<br/>”Oh dear, what happened?” asked Luna. <br/>”It was an unhappy combination of a spell involving wand-work and a rejuvenation charm gone terribly wrong. Very unfortunate! The end result was that, instead of my body becoming younger, it aged, horribly. I lost much of my hair. My ears grew to at least 3 times their normal size and my nose turned up and resembled a pig snout! Your friend, Mr. Potter, may be able to tell you more about how I looked. It was during his First Year as I recall.”<br/>Luna nodded.<br/>”You know we were all very excited about him starting at Hogwarts," continued Flitwick.<br/>”Oh, yes,” sniped Severus. ”I was sitting on the edge of my chair with excitement and anticipation. I could scarcely imagine my good fortune in having this amazing child thrust upon me!”<br/>Luna laughed so hard that she was nearly doubled over. <br/>”Yes, I’m sure,” said Flitwick as he joined in the laughter.</p><p>Meanwhile Luna smiled contentedly to herself. Her instinct had been a good one. Severus was socializing more and with a former colleague at that. Surely that had to be good for him? But she also knew, since she brewed them herself as part of the practical part of her Potions coursework, that he consumed Dreamless Sleep and Calming Potion pretty much every night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>PTSD is not something that just magically disappears just because the crisis is over. Even with (Muggle) therapy and medication, it takes years to recover from the sort of repeated trauma that Severus Snape has endured. I chose Flitwick to be the colleague Snape first reconciles with since Flitwick is shown throughout the series as being kind and empathic. For example Flitwick was the teacher who burst into tears when they learned that Ginny Weasley was taken by the Basilisk.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Tea With Draco</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Severus was pleased to receive a letter by owl announcing a visit from Draco. That was certainly a bright point in the dreary November weather. Draco was terrible at corresponding and they had not met face-to-face since he was in the hospital recuperating from Nagini’s attack. But Severus made certain to tell Luna about Draco’s visit in advance. While she hadn’t said much to him about her experiences being held captive in the cellar of Malfoy Manor, he knew the memories were painful.</p><p>”You needn’t come around for tea if you don’t want to see Draco. I will certainly understand if you feel too uncomfortable.”<br/>
”Perhaps.” Although Luna gave a little smile, this one didn’t reach her eyes. ”I rather think I should, though. To show myself that Draco is nothing to be scared of.”<br/>
Severus smiled to himself. Of course his brave girl would face her fears! He should have expected nothing less.<br/>
”Of course,” was all he said out loud though. When the day arrived there was no sign of Luna at the usual time. After waiting a few minutes Severus concluded that she had changed her mind. He was a bit disappointed although not surprised. Perhaps the prospect of being face-to-face with one of her former captors was too upsetting for her.</p><p>As they drank their tea Severus and Draco chatted idly about Narcissa and Lucius. Once more Lucius had managed to avoid Azkaban. But the shame and humiliation he’d received at the hands of Voldemort was enough to guarantee he would avoid public life for the rest of his life. Draco could empathize with his father. The last time Draco had been at Hogwarts was during the final battle. He had felt absolutely no desire to return for a visit. But Narcissa had pressured him and reminded him that Snape had been his protector as well as his favorite professor until finally Draco agreed to make a short visit.</p><p>About the time Severus was refilling their cups Luna suddenly appeared at the door, slightly out of breath from hurrying.<br/>
”I’m sorry I’m late. I hope I didn’t miss anything?”<br/>
Severus smiled. ”Nothing important. Have some tea.” He gestured at the place he had set for her.<br/>
”Hello Draco.” said Luna. ”You are looking well.”<br/>
”Um, yes, so are you, Luna.”<br/>
”Thank you.”</p><p>Draco looked over at Severus. He wondered at the almost silly smile on his face. What was so special about Loony Lovegood coming for tea? His curiosity peaked, Draco started paying close attention to them both. He noticed that Severus became more relaxed after Luna’s arrival. Indeed he looked the happiest Draco had seen him in years. Luna, however, looked nervous.</p><p>”How is your mother?” asked Luna as she reached for a biscuit.<br/>
Draco gave an awkward shrug. ”She is as well as can be expected, considering.”<br/>
”Considering what? Is she ill?”<br/>
”No, my father is unwell and my mother is worried about him. She spends most of her time caring for him.”<br/>
Luna nodded sagely. ”Yes, it’s very important to have good care when one is ill.”<br/>
”Luna has been kind enough to help me during my recovery,” smirked Severus.<br/>
“Uh, yes, of course,” responded Draco.<br/>
”So what will you do now?” Draco turned to Severus. “Research? Mother told me you have no interest in teaching again.”<br/>
Severus shrugged. ”I have a few ideas. As you may remember, I have long wanted to redo the Potions Curriculum. I am hoping Luna will be willing to assist me after she sits for her N.E.W.T.s.”<br/>
“Oh, really? That sounds . . .nice.”<br/>
”Your enthusiasm is truly inspiring,'' was Severus' sardonic reply.<br/>
Luna said nothing, though; she just looked down at her hands.</p><p>Draco felt awkward around Luna. Even though it hadn’t been his idea to hold her hostage, he knew he had been a part of a very traumatic experience. He felt both guilty that it had happened and angry that he cared. Many people had suffered much worse during the war after all. His own family had been in mortal peril from the Dark Lord’s wrath towards the end. Draco found himself wishing that she would leave. Still it wouldn’t do to show his discomfort. So Draco continued to drink his tea and ask after his old professors and a few older members of Slytherin still attending Hogwarts. Finally, after what seemed like millenia, Draco judged that his visit was long enough for courtesy and made his excuses.</p><p>After Draco left Luna began clearing the table as usual. Her hands shook though and she dropped a teacup. For a few seconds she just stared dumbly at the pieces of the broken cup. Then Severus was at her side, taking the remaining dishes from her hands.<br/>
”Come and sit,” he said as he guided her to the sofa.<br/>
Luna sniffed, ”I’m sorry about your cup.”<br/>
”Never mind it.” He poured her a small glass of firewhiskey and held it to her mouth so she could take a sip.<br/>
”That was very brave,” he said. ”I knew seeing Draco would be difficult for you but I failed to realize just how difficult.”<br/>
Luna drew a ragged breath just short of a sob. ”I’m not brave at all,” she sniffed.<br/>
”Of course you are. I know it was you who took care of the old wand-maker when you both were captive. And now coming to tea with Draco even though he made you nervous. Luna, don’t ever let anyone tell you that you aren’t brave. It takes courage to face your fears as you did today.” He put his arms around Luna and stroked her hair. ”My brave, brave girl,” he whispered.</p><p>On impulse he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to hers, half expecting she would retreat from his touch. Instead she returned the kiss, first hesitantly and then with more enthusiasm. Luna made a small noise in her throat as Severus gently savored her lips, still sweet from the biscuits. Feeling her lips part, Severus slipped his tongue into her mouth and Luna made a small, satisfied murmur in her throat. Luna could feel his breath on her face. Aroused by his closeness she felt almost faint. She breathed deeply. His scent was a combination of ginger and sandalwood but also bergamott from the earl grey tea, and a hint of sweat. Luna tentatively put her tongue into his mouth and was passionately rewarded. She put one hand on his shoulder and he paused, thinking she wanted to push away, but instead she pulled him closer. Severus’ eyes were closed as he savored their embrace. Luna thought he looked so tender and vulnerable at that moment. They continued for several minutes before finally pausing for breath.</p><p>”Thank you,” said Luna. ”I’m feeling very much better now.” She rested her head against his shoulder.<br/>
”I am glad to be of service,” was the sardonic reply.<br/>
”May I stay a while longer?”<br/>
”You may stay as long as you like.”<br/>
”Will you kiss me again?”<br/>
”If you like.”<br/>
”Very much.”</p><p>After a quick kiss and cuddle though, the stress of the day proved to be too much for Luna and she fell asleep in his arms. Severus gazed intently at her small form curled up against him on the sofa. No matter what, he promised himself, he would always watch over and protect her. Severus sighed. He hated to wake her but it was almost time for her to return to the castle. There was no point in upsetting McGonagall unnecessarily.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Severus finally notices the extent of Luna's PTSD and that she needs him to be less self-absorbed and more supportive.</p><p>I've edited this because I wasn't entirely happy with the last bit. Their first kiss deserved a better description!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Tea With Draco (continued)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Luna was still sleepy as Severus wrapped her in her cloak and escorted her back to the castle. When they reached the door he wished her a good evening and waited until she was safely indoors before returning to his cottage. The walk in the chilly November air brought Luna fully awake, though. She decided to go to the Great Hall and have a bite of supper before going by the library to study before bed-time. But the first thing she saw as she entered was Ginny and Hermione waving frantically. </p><p>”Luna! Over here! Look who’s come for a visit!” Ginny waved and pointed at two familiar figures seated next to her at the Gryffindor table.<br/>”Harry! Ron! When did you arrive?” In her excitement at seeing her friends Luna threw herself down on the bench next to them. <br/>”Oh, about 2 hours ago,” said Harry. ”We looked for you all over. Ginny said you probably  were with Snape,” Here Ginny gave him a mock glare. ”and wouldn’t want to be disturbed.”<br/>Luna nodded. ”Draco came by to visit Severus. Seeing him made me nervous.”<br/>”Blimey!” said Ron. ”You’d think he would have warned you.”<br/>”He did. I wanted to face Draco, just to show myself that I don’t need to fear him.”<br/>Harry nodded in understanding.<br/>”How is Professor Snape? I came to see him when he was recovering but he wasn’t interested in having visitors. How is he feeling now?”<br/>”He is much better now. He has recovered from the injuries caused by the venom. But he is still very disappointed that so many people were willing to think the worst of him.”<br/>Hermione nodded ”He was a very effective agent. He fooled everyone.”<br/>”How many people have come to visit him during his recovery?” Now Luna’s voice was all ice. ”Now that you know the truth?”<br/>Hermione and Ginny both looked guilty.<br/>”Don’t look at us,” said Ron. ”Bloody hell! Harry and I have been busy with our Auror training. This is the first chance we’ve had to visit anyone since we started last summer.”<br/>Harry nodded his agreement.<br/>”You aren’t busy now, though, are you?”<br/>Harry looked sheepish. ”I suppose we could stop by for a visit.”<br/>”Good!” Suddenly Luna was back to being all smiles. ”The day after tomorrow, ok?”<br/>Harry had a feeling he was being herded by Luna. But she was right that Snape deserved some consideration from them. And it certainly wouldn’t hurt to spend an afternoon visiting with him.</p><p>Luna was so excited to see her friends together again, she forgot about her plan to study in the library. In fact she was so busy catching-up on news, she almost forgot to eat supper. After Luna retired to the Ravenclaw dormitory, her friends discussed her personal life. Earlier in the month Hermione thought they should confront Luna about her relationship with Severus Snape. Ginny thought they should respect her choice and mind their own business. So, reluctantly, Hermione had agreed to wait and discuss Luna with Ron and Harry when they came to visit. The result was predictable.</p><p>”Bloody hell!” shouted Ron. ”What is our Luna doing hanging about with that greasy old git?”<br/>”Ron! That is not at all nice.”<br/>”Sorry Hermione. But I just can’t see it. Are you sure he didn’t slip her some kind of love potion?”<br/>Harry sighed, ”You know how Luna is. No one can make her do things against her will.”<br/>Hermione nodded. ”But why does she want to befriend Professor Snape of all people?”<br/>”Perhaps because he’s not a professor any more. And he doesn’t seem to have many friends either. Maybe she thinks he needs a friend. You know how well Luna got on with him in Potions,” said Ginny.<br/>Hermione nodded in agreement but Ron was not convinced. <br/>”I still say someone needs to talk with her. For her own sake,” said Ron.  ”Just to be sure nothing fishy is going on.”<br/>”I know,” said Harry sarcastically, ”I’ll just pop on around to Snape’s cottage and ask him myself. Seeing as how we get on so well.”<br/>Ron snorted and Ginny and Hermione laughed out loud.<br/>”Do you think Luna is in love with him?” Hermione directed her question at Ginny.<br/>Ginny nodded. ”I know she fancies him.”<br/>”What about Snape? I can’t imagine him being romantic with any woman, the greasy old git,” said Ron.<br/>Hermione looked over at Harry. He in turn gazed intently into thin air. Suddenly Ron realized what he’d said and blushed. <br/>”I think Harry’s mum and professor Snape were just good friends, like Harry and me,” said Hermione. ”That’s all.”<br/>”Oh yeah, that’s it alright,” said Ron, still slightly embarrassed.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Lady I swear by all flowers</h2></a>
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    <p>Both Ginny and Hermione could see that Luna was still excited the next day as she skipped into the Great Hall. For one thing she seemed to be wearing every piece of jewelry she owned, all at once. Hermione assumed Luna’s good mood was because Harry and Ron were there visiting with them. Ginny was not so sure; she suspected that a certain brooding Potions genius was involved. After breakfasting together, both Luna and Hermione had to attend Advanced Potions with Professor Slughorn but Ginny promised to keep the guys company. Afterwards they would all meet-up in Hogsmeade for lunch. Headmistress McGonagall had relaxed the rules for the veterans of the Battle of Hogwarts. There was nothing that could happen to them in Hogsmeade that was anywhere near as dangerous as fighting Death Eaters. </p><p>————————-</p><p>Later that day, as she skipped down the path from the castle, Luna wondered if Severus would kiss her again. Would he wait for her to ask? Should she? It was so nice having Severus as her friend, Luna didn’t want to do anything to risk their friendship. But she did so want to kiss him some more. Kissing him was not at all like how some of the other young women described kissing their boy or girlfriends. And Luna had seen other students snogging in the Ravenclaw Common room and other parts of the school grounds plenty of times. She had thought kissing was downright repulsive with far too much drooling and lip-smacking. But Severus was so gentle and careful with her, kissing him was not at all a nasty, slobbery experience. She had replayed it over and over before falling asleep with a smile still on her lips. </p><p>Severus also had replayed their kiss many times before finally falling asleep at around 3 am. He wanted to show Luna how happy he was that she wanted a romantic relationship with him of all people. Indeed, Severus wanted to embrace Luna and carry her to his bedroom and show her but he judged, correctly, that their relationship had not yet advanced to that stage. Indeed, he had been very careful not to be at all pushy when they kissed. Baked goods on the other hand were always appropriate. So Severus had spent the next morning in his tiny kitchen preparing treats. When Luna knocked on the door and then let herself in as usual, the entire cottage smelled of fresh baked gingerbread. </p><p>The first thing Luna did after removing her cloak was to throw her arms around Severus and hug him tightly. Inwardly he gave a huge sigh of relief. Clearly Luna was not having any second thoughts about the previous day.  As Luna looked up at him with her bright smile, Severus drew her close and gently pressed his lips to hers only to find himself receiving a very passionate response from Luna. </p><p>”Does this mean you  aren’t having second thoughts?” he teased. <br/>“Of course not! Now who is being a dunderhead?” laughed Luna. “The kitchen smells delicious! What have you baked today?”<br/>Severus pointed to the different buns and cookies and listed their main ingredients. <br/>”It's good you made so much. Some of my friends are visiting Hogwarts and would like to stop by tomorrow for a short visit.”<br/>”You do realize that I meant these for you, don’t you?”<br/>”But you would share them with Professor Flitwick , wouldn’t you?” asked Luna. ”It isn’t that different.”<br/>”Very well. It's not Longbottom is it?” <br/>Luna smiled. ”No, Neville is busy with his Herbology apprenticeship.”<br/>”And it is not Potter I hope?”<br/>Luna just smiled.<br/>”Luna!” Severus was completely exasperated by this point. ”And I suppose he has Weasley and Granger with him as well?”<br/>”Harry doesn’t visit often. He and Ron are too busy with their Auror training. Really it is just this one time. I promise!”<br/>”Your friends are probably most interested in ascertaining precisely which curse or compulsion charm I am using to hold you as my captive,” grumbled Severus. <br/>Luna laughed. ”They are doing no such thing!”<br/>They argued back and forth for a while. Finally however, Luna became impatient. <br/>”If I can come to tea when Draco visits, then surely you can have Harry round to tea one time.”<br/>”It's not the same, Luna. I’m not afraid of Mr. Potter, I simply dislike him. A great deal.”<br/>”Since you’re not afraid, there shouldn't be a problem.”<br/>Severus narrowed his eyes in irritation. If anyone besides Luna had made the comment he would have suspected them of mocking him and become angry. Severus knew that Luna was forthright but not deliberately unkind. Even so, he thought it was a low blow.<br/>”Very well. Bring him around tomorrow. I suppose it won’t kill me to spend 1 or 2 more hours with him. But not more!”<br/>”Thank you!” Luna beamed. ”It will be perfectly lovely.”<br/>Although he continued to glare, Severus was secretly pleased he could bring a smile to her face. Luna seldom spoke of it, but Severus knew she was still very traumatized from her experiences during the war. Her upset after the perfectly innocuous visit from Draco was evidence of that. He felt guilty that he had not anticipated just how stressful that encounter would be for Luna. And he thought he should have done more to comfort her. Had he been so caught-up in his own suffering that he failed to see the extent of hers?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Lady I swear by all flowers, otherwise known as since feeling is first, is by e.e.cummings, one of my favorite poets. </p><p>I originally started this story for my own self-expression. However, since other people seem to like it, please feel free to leave comments! Feedback is always welcome.</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Gryffindors Come Calling</h2></a>
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    <p>The group consensus was that Harry and Ron would be accompanied by Hermione on their visit to their former professor. That way there wouldn’t be too many people descending on him all at once and Hermione could keep an eye on the guys. Both Harry and Ron had promised to be on their best behaviour but Severus Snape did have a talent for getting under Harry’s skin. Ginny had classes that afternoon but she promised to follow along with Luna some other time. Meanwhile Hermione was busy reminding Ron and Harry to be on their best behaviour. </p><p>”Be sure to refer to him as Mr. Snape or sir,” said Hermione. ”We just want a short visit so we can pay our respects and have a cup of tea. With no conflicts.”<br/>”I thought he was supposed to be recovered from his injuries by now. Why do we have to walk on eggshells around him? He can’t give us detentions any more,” asked Ron. <br/>”He spent years as a double agent,” said Hermione. ”That must have been very stressful. I’m certain he has PTSD.”<br/>”What’s that?” asked Ron.<br/>”Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is a psychological condition that people develop when they’ve been traumatized. That’s probably one of the reasons he was so grumpy at times.”<br/>”Well that and he really wasn’t too fond of some of us, either,” laughed Harry.<br/>”Bloody hell!” said Ron. ”So now he’s mental as well as bad-tempered? Remind me just why we’re doing this?”<br/>”We are doing this for Luna,” replied Harry. ”She’s our friend and it’s important to her.” <br/>”Exactly,” said Hermione. ”Remember, too, that his intelligence work was crucial to defeating Voldemort. We all owe him for that.”<br/>”I seem to remember we had a bit to do with that as well!” said Ron.<br/>”I know.” Hermione sighed. “Let’s just get it over with.”</p><p>—————————</p><p>Luna was watching out the window for her friends while Severus set the table. He was about to return to the kitchen to fetch the last few things when Luna suddenly hugged him. </p><p>”Thank you for doing this for me! I really do appreciate it.”<br/>Severus grimaced. He was notoriously bad at receiving compliments. He said nothing, just gently kissed the top of her head in reply. </p><p>—————</p><p>Right on time the 3 Gryffindors knocked at the door ready to spend the afternoon visiting with their former professor. Luna greeted them with an enormous smile.</p><p>”Come in everyone. You can hang your cloaks here by the door.” Luna led the visitors into the parlor where Severus was already sitting. He stood-up as they entered and extended his hand to Harry.</p><p>”To what do I owe this visit, Potter? Has the Boy Who Lived Come to see if I lived too? Am I really back from the dead? Of course, you were dead yourself, so I am told. So this must be old news for you. Perhaps we can compare insights on the after-life.” <br/>”Yes, sir,” answered Harry. He had promised Luna he wouldn’t say anything that could be perceived as confrontational and he intended to keep his promise. But Snape was not making that easy. <br/>”I want to pay my respects. If not for your efforts, things might have ended very badly.”<br/>Snape brushed off the compliment with a wave of his hand.<br/>”We brought you a small present,” said Hermione as she produced a package from her bag. <br/>”An olive branch so to speak.” <br/>Snape raised one eyebrow but accepted the gift. ”Thank you.” <br/>He removed the wrappings to find one of his favorite tea blends. <br/>”Luna said it was your favorite,” said Harry. <br/>”She knows me very well,” was the laconic reply. <br/>Just then Luna came from the kitchen with a large plate of Severus’ biscuits and cinnamon buns. They smelled delicious.<br/>”Hello everyone. Help yourselves. I’ll pour the tea.”<br/>”I had no idea you could make such good cinnamon buns,” said Ron. ”These taste amazing!”<br/>”Yes, Luna has told me about your fondness for cinnamon rolls.” Severus smirked. He wanted it clear that he was just as much Luna’s friend and confident as they were. Hermione and Ron got the message at least. Harry Potter, savior of the Wizarding World, was still not so good at understanding subtext. No doubt Hermione would explain it to him later. Severus put his arm around Luna. His smug look just dared anyone to comment.  In any case Severus wanted to make perfectly clear to Luna’s friends that Luna and he were a couple. Meanwhile Luna was happy that her friends were getting along. Of course she realized that they were making a determined effort rather than it being spontaneous but it was a start. And she wanted them to see there was more to Severus than just being the snarky Potions professor.</p>
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